Friday, 13 August 2010
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I have learned a huge lesson, &then some.
1. No matter how much I hate the wizard of oz, that dorothy bitch had it right, theres no place like home..Moving wasn't a good idea. It just made me realize I have good people behind me, People that love me, and that have always been there. No matter the pain they may have put me through before, They still stuck around to make it better.
2. Once you truly love somebody, No matter what you do to try and forget about them, everything will always bring you back. God doesn't want me to give up, So I'm not going to.
3. When you miss everyone you've ever known, It doesn't matter how much better off you could be, Its better to be surrounded by loved ones, not knowing where to go, or what to do with yourself, then it is to be alone, and have money.
4. Money really does not buy you happiness.
Kansas is where I belong for now, that i'm sure of.
Its not that I don't wanna live here anymore, cause I do. I love not living in kansas, and dealing with the dumb people. But the people I need are there, and more importantly, The people that need me, are there. I love everyone I left behind, so much more then I really could see. Moving just was a huge eye opener.My family means a lot more to me, then I really did think. Thats never been so clear to me. Sure, they annoy the piss out of me, and frustrate me alot. I'd much rather be frustrated with them, then miles and miles away from the ones who took care of me, and raised me to be who I am now.
My room mate, is always the only one thats on my side, about every choice I make, even if she doesn't agree with it. We don't always see things eye to eye, but no matter what I love her more then anything, and I'm so glad to be back and spend time with her.
My best friends (Alissa, Kyle, Alyssa) Have been all thats on my mind as of lately. I miss seeing them whenever I want. I miss hanging out with them. I never thought I was that close to any of them, mainly just because I never ever see any of them, we are all constantly busy with our own lives, that we never see each other. However, I know me moving tore each and every one of them up, right down to the core. And for this I am deeply sorry. I love you three, You've gotten me through the last 4 years, and put up with all my ups and downs. I could never ever find better friends.
Tyler Wayne Smith You are everything. You've been there for the past 4 years just as well, I love you very deeply, and theres no way I could find another soul to complete my soul any better than you do. You're my best friend, You are the one I gossip with until The sun comes up, You're the one I can be myself around, and know you wont judge me. You're the one that can always make me smile, and always cheers me up, and takes care of me when I don't feel good. You are absolutely what I have needed and what I've looked for. You're my best friend, And You made me fall so deeply in love with you, That I'm too short to now get out..Though even If I was able to, I wouldn't ever want to. I love your family as if they were my own, And your friends are some of the nicest, caring people I've met. You've change my whole entire world in so many ways. You can drive me completely nutts sometimes, And I know we've put each other through a lot of pain, and Until I moved I really wasn't sure if all the pain, was worth it. But I now know its worth it. I'd rather have ups and downs with you, then miss you as much as I now do.
You are the best person in my life, and i'm so blessed to have you. Do not expect me to let you go t-wayne. I need you forever, and always, my love.Brooke Anders I doubt you'll read this, but if you do good. I've been thinking a lot lately, about how we used to hang out all the time, and I've been looking at all of our old pictures. You and I need to stick together babygirl, because we are two of a kind, There aren't many girls like us, and thats why we get along so well. I miss our sleep overs, and all the dumb things we do to get your mom to laugh. I miss your family, as if they were my own. and I miss you, very dearly. You were the most amazing best friend to me, and taught me a lot. Now I need you back to continue to help me grow. So stop being a stranger.
I'm so glad i'm coming back in the morning.
And I can't wait to see all of you. I dunno whats in store for my future, I just know I'm not moving, until its with the right person. The only one I can see myself ever being with, no matter where I go. Joey and I will never part, to those of you who are wondering. these past months have taught us both so much. and I can't wait to grow together.
I'm off to do my hair, and finish packing.
Moral of my post, As long as you have someone, or people that love you. Thats where you belong, no matter how hard it gets at times.
I'll now click my heels together...
theres no place like home....theres no place like home...theres no place like home...
Wednesday, 07 July 2010
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Its been awhile..So why not
Just a little something I wrote.
So I could get my feelings out.
Shape of a poem:
I want to write a poem in a shape.
A shape that only you and I know exists.
Like the mysterious deep sea,
35,000 feet below my heart races,
Pushed in each direction by the pressure of what may be,
but can never really be seen or said.
I want to write a poem in the shape of you.
Eyes dark brown filled with questions,
drops of emotion slide down,
caught by my finger on your cheek,
as if planed but not in sync.
I want to write a poem in the shape of us,
The words in straight lines,
Keeping the space between near,
but far enough not to touch.
At some point the lines cross,
after miles and miles between,
your eyes get heavy ,
lose place in the sentence,
but refocus after realizing you had veered off the path of what was ment to be read.
Like the shape of each paragraph ,
another chapter in the book of life,
in shape of a story about us,
in the shape of a poem about us.
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
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Mhm.
So we broke up.
I feel sad, but at the same time so much happier.
I no longer have to be upset by someone else treating me poorly, or ignoring me.
I no longer have to worry about anyones feelings but my own, and i think its better this way.
I no longer have to listen to his dumb ass ex "best friend" talk shit on me, and have to ASK for him to stick up for me.
I'm over it, i suppose.
I'm 20 years old, i'm done acting like i'm a child anymore, when legally I can't be considered one anymore.
That way nobody gets hurt, and if they do its me.
I'm sorry, i'm not good for relationships. I should've known from the start.
Moving on:
I've been really upset lately. Thinking about zack.
Nobody reading this (besides a select few) are going to know who zack is, but if you knew him..You'd never feel sad again. He was a truly astounding character. And i've been missing him like crazy lately. He's on my mind almost everyday, and every night. Just wondering if hes still alive, praying he is. Wondering if he is, what hes up to, how hes doing.
I think its starting to make me a little crazy, I just need to talk to him. Its killing me.
I love that kid, and I'm hoping that one day we meet again.
On a lighter note;
I got my hair done.
I get a new phone in a little more than a month.
And i'm starting to pick myself back up, alone.
Thursday, 25 March 2010
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Lately i've had so much on my mind..
It really does feel like i'm lost in all direction these days.
I'm more in love with Tyler, then i've been with anyone in my whole life, Never have i been more certain of my feelings for anyone. And yet i feel so stuck, its almost as if the people i really want to notice how happy he makes me don't care, they don't like him, and no matter how much i plead them to see reason, they refuse. I understand that its because they want whats best for me, and they don't think he's good enough, but its like no matter who i'd be with they wouldn't be good enough, I've gone through so much to get me here, So much to stay with tyler this long. I Just don't know what to do.
I told my dad that i wanted to marry tyler, and My father looked me in the eyes and said the day he asks my dad to marry me, will be the day hes waited for all my life. Tyler has his approval, this day, and nothings even been talked about. Tyler did however mention last night that he's going to tell his parents how he feels about me. I'm so happy, But all i want is for a few of my best friends to stop and understand that with everything i've gone through, through all the few day, few weeks relationships i've had, this is the first thing i've taken serious in four years, its taken so long to bounce back from everything that happened with vince. I just wish that they'd understand things aren't as bad as they seem, and i know i may be to blame, but its only because all they hear are bad things, because thats the only time anyone goes to anyone else relationship wise, Girls bitch to their friends when shits going bad, not when everythings good.
I'm just lost, I know who, and what i want. I just don't know how to reach it quite yet. I know Tyler will be the person I say "i do" to, and that he will always be by my side, and one day, I know the rest of you will.
In everything you do, your love shines through<3
Let love shine<3
Thursday, 11 February 2010
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Let me get this out, and off my chest.
A few of my friends that are my age are about to get married.
Don't get me wrong, i know theres no limit on love.
But okay, This girl is getting married may 1st, and met the guy in september, and started dating him a month after. My boyfriend and i have been dating for 5 months, they've been dating for 4, and already have a house together. She also hasn't finished getting her high school diploma.
It just makes no sense to me.
and this other dude, is engaged over the internet to some girl.
I just don't understand why everyones trying to grow up so fast.
I love my boyfriend, he's my best friend, i'm with him almost everyday, and if i'm not we're constantly talking. I couldn't live a day without him, he's my other half. But he and i both know we're still too young to get married, i know other people have to have brains and think like this.
I just think its wrong, and they're going to regret it later on, but i guess thats all i can really do, and say about it.
blah blah.
I'm going to chill with my boyfriend today.
Hope everyones doing well.
ItsEmilieBETCH
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- Name: ItsEmilieBETCH
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 2/6/2010
